[personal profile] standardtom
In a fun burst of “opinions are like assholes,” CNN.com has done a few stories and a poll on the “worst song of all time.” ( Part 1, Part 2, some songs that were chosen, and various opinions about them, 1974: Creme de la creme of clunkers )

So, let’s have your opinions... what are the worst songs in history, in your (not-so) humble opinions?

“There's Got To Be A Morning After” by Maureen McGovern immediately pops to mind for me. “I Just Called To Say I Love You” sounds like Stevie Wonder is seriously toking helium, to the accompaniment of a broken circus calliope.

Friend-unit Tim [livejournal.com profile] timksweden observed to me years ago that "All I Need Is a Miracle" by Mike + The Mechanics should be titled "All I Need Are Singing Lessons."

So c'mon... let's hear 'em!

* Ahem... um... I will admit that I kinda like some of the songs on CNN's lists... *scuffs toe*...

Date: 2006-04-26 08:23 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] jefferzephyr.livejournal.com
You Take my breath away/ Eric Carmen

" Oh You, I don't know what to say, you take my breath away".

repeat 50 times.
From: [identity profile] jefferzephyr.livejournal.com
Artist: Michael Martin Murphey Lyrics
Song: Wildfire Lyrics


She comes down from Yellow Mountain
On a dark, flat land she rides
On a pony she named Wildfire
With a whirlwind by her side
On a cold Nebraska night

Oh, they say she died one winter
When there came a killing frost
And the pony she named Wildfire
Busted down its stall
In a blizzard he was lost

She ran calling Wildfire [x3]
By the dark of the moon I planted
But there came an early snow
There's been a hoot-owl howling by my window now
For six nights in a row
She's coming for me, I know
And on Wildfire we're both gonna go

We'll be riding Wildfire [x3]

On Wildfire we're gonna ride
Gonna leave sodbustin' behind
Get these hard times right on out of our minds
Riding Wildfire
From: [identity profile] jefferzephyr.livejournal.com
At your recommendation, I would be willing to consider giving it a second chance. After all I was 10 or 11 and just sick of hearing it so much.
Maybe time has mellowed me?
From: [identity profile] nlotic.livejournal.com
Yeah...but Michael Martin Murphey is kinda cute and sexy.

From: [identity profile] jefferzephyr.livejournal.com
Well you got a point there. I did not know all that when they wore that song to the nubbin when I was hitting skating rinks as a kid.
From: [identity profile] kjuncwby.livejournal.com
Thats one of my all time favorite songs. But for the worst songs, I'd have to say

Anything by Bruce Springstein cause he cant sing
Anything by Lyle Lovett cause he cant sing
Anything by Willie Nelson cause he wines too damned much
Sinaed O'connor...no explanation needed
Chris Isaak.."No, I wanna fall in love" cause I cant stand his voice.
I could go on forever.

Date: 2006-05-14 04:04 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kevinduran.livejournal.com
"You Take My Breath Away" was by Rex Smith. Remember that horrible TV movie he did called "Sooner Or Later" about the teen girl who had the hots for him?

Rex Smith had Farrah Fawcett hair. My sister had his 8-track and I remember having to hear that song over and over.

with Apologies to Eric Carmen

Date: 2006-05-14 12:18 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] jefferzephyr.livejournal.com
Thank you!
I wrongly credited that....*song* to Eric Carmen. I remember the Farrah Fawcett luxurious bangs.

Re: with Apologies to Eric Carmen

Date: 2006-11-13 06:56 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kjuncwby.livejournal.com
I remember my oldest sister with her "Farrah part"

Date: 2006-04-26 08:25 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kjvbear.livejournal.com
first of all pal, "You light up my life" was Debbie Boone.....LOL.

and how about "Afternoon Delight" or even worse "the Pina Colada Song"?

Date: 2006-04-26 08:34 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] standardtom.livejournal.com
That's what I get for typing too fast. I was thinking of both Debbie Boone & Maureen McGovern, and trying to decide which one I hated more, and wound up putting parts of both. :)

Date: 2006-04-26 08:37 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kjvbear.livejournal.com
now thats too funny.....

Date: 2006-04-26 09:48 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] grande.livejournal.com
are you knockin jimmy buffet? tell me you're not knockin jimmy buffet.

Date: 2006-04-26 10:25 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kjvbear.livejournal.com
no no no darlin.....the was "Margaritaville".

"the Pina Colada song" was sung by some dork and it was about a guy who decided he was gonna cheat on his wife and posted a personal ad about liking Pina Colada's and a bunch of other crap, got a response, and when they met in a bar it turned out it was his wife, who didn't know he liked Pina Colada's and all the other crap. It truly is dreadful.....LOL

Date: 2006-04-26 10:28 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] grande.livejournal.com
no no, the jimmy buffet song 'escape', margaritaville wasn't bad, but lets get drunk (and screw) is the hottest.

Date: 2006-04-26 10:30 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kjvbear.livejournal.com
ahhhh, got ya.

look up the lyrics for Pina Colada Song, truly a dreadful piece of 70's schlock.....LOL

Date: 2006-04-26 10:33 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] grande.livejournal.com
nno no no , that *is* escape, by jimmy buffet :P

http://ww2.lafayette.edu/~shuppr/lamusic/pina.htm

Date: 2006-04-26 10:38 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] grande.livejournal.com
or i thought it was, rupert holmes did it? i thought that was buffet. wtf.

Date: 2006-04-26 10:49 pm (UTC)

Date: 2006-11-13 07:04 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kjuncwby.livejournal.com
Yeah Rupert Holms sang that Pina Colada song

was tired of my lady
We'd been together too long
Like a worn-out recording
Of a favorite song
So while she lay there sleeping
I read the paper in bed
And in the personal columns
There was this letter I read

"If you like Pina Coladas
And getting caught in the rain
If you're not into yoga
If you have half a brain
If you'd like making love at midnight
In the dunes on the Cape
Then I'm the love that you've looked for
Write to me and escape."

I didn't think about my lady
I know that sounds kind of mean
But me and my old lady
Have fallen into the same old dull routine
So I wrote to the paper
Took out a personal ad
And though I'm nobody's poet
I thought it wasn't half bad

"Yes I like Pina Coladas
And getting caught in the rain
I'm not much into health food
I am into champagne
I've got to meet you by tomorrow noon
And cut through all this red-tape
At a bar called O'Malley's
Where we'll plan our escape."

So I waited with high hopes
And she walked in the place
I knew her smile in an instant
I knew the curve of her face
It was my own lovely lady
And she said, "Oh it's you."
Then we laughed for a moment
And I said, "I never knew."

That you like Pina Coladas
Getting caught in the rain
And the feel of the ocean
And the taste of champagne
If you'd like making love at midnight
In the dunes of the Cape
You're the lady I've looked for
Come with me and escape

Date: 2006-04-26 08:29 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bearfinch.livejournal.com
For me, most music by Celine Dion, but especially that theme from The Titanic, which i see is listed.

There's another list online somewhere of the 50 worst songs, and the worst one on that was "We Built this City" by Starship.

Date: 2006-04-26 08:33 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] trwheaton.livejournal.com
Two words:

"Muskrat Love"

Date: 2006-04-26 09:53 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] pup-ajax.livejournal.com
i always wondered if muskrats really make those squeaky little sounds on the record ... or was that actually Tennille?

Date: 2006-04-27 04:14 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ursusarctos.livejournal.com
TMI?, eh :D

Date: 2006-04-26 08:52 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] quirkstreet.livejournal.com
I think I've written about this before, but ...

I loathe "Break Out" by Swing Out Sister so much that I'm actually compelled to sit and watch the video anytime it comes on and re-experience my hatred. That whole era of British lite-pseudo-jazz-pop was pretty bad anyway, but that one really takes the prize.

I'm not even sure it's such a bad song, it just makes me cringe. And the video with the kooky chick making kooky fashions and being kooky and wearing a LOT of black plastic bracelets.

I loathe that song so much, I'm almost to the point of loving it in a really sick, perverse way.

Meanwhile, I'm "over" people hating on "We Built This City." Because, dude, there are much WORSE songs by Jefferson/Starship. Like "Sara," for starters. ;-)

Date: 2006-04-26 09:07 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] jefferzephyr.livejournal.com
Thank you for this.

Date: 2006-04-26 09:28 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kcfireplug.livejournal.com
I thought Spandau Ballet started the Euro-PhauxJazz Cosmetic which meant that if there weren't horns and a genuine string section, you were shit. Only thing is, that's when sampled synths were more affordable, and more producers could fake that sound (a-hem).

Date: 2006-04-26 11:03 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] nlotic.livejournal.com
I'm with you on "We Built This City".

Date: 2006-04-27 03:25 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] eggwards.livejournal.com
Damn, I love Swing out Sister, among other things! Now, I can't stand most Barbara Streisand songs, period, but the seventies were extreemly bad with clunkers like "Evergreen" and "Enough is Enough"!

Date: 2006-04-26 09:23 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kcfireplug.livejournal.com
NORTH TO ALASKA

Date: 2006-04-26 09:50 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] pup-ajax.livejournal.com
i love love love bad sappy pop music from the 60s and 70s.

"Honey" by Bobby Goldsboro is awesome.
Another delicious piece of crap is 1959's "The Three Bells" by The Browns":

There's a village hidden deep in the valley among the pine trees half forlorn
And there on a sunny morning little Jimmy Brown was born
All the chapel bells were ringing in the little valley town
And the songs that they were singing was for baby Jimmy Brown
And the little congregation prayed for guidance from above
Lead us not into temptation bless this hour of meditation guide him with eternal love
There's a village hidden deep in the valley beneath the mountains high above
And there twenty years thereafter Jimmy was to meet his love
All the chapel bells were ringing twas a great day in his life
For the songs that they were singing was for Jimmy and his wife
And the little congregation prayed for guidance from above
Lead us not into temptation bless oh Lord this celebration
May their lives be filled with love
From the village hidden deep in the valley one rainy morning dark and grey
A soul which wait in the heaven Jimmy Brown had passed away
Just the lonely bell was ringing in the little valley town
Twas there well it was singing to our good old Jommy Brown
And the little congregation prayed for guidance from above
Lead us not into temptation may his soul find this salvation of Thy great eternal love


It's so bad it's good.

Date: 2006-04-27 02:23 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] guikc.livejournal.com
Oh God, that song "Honey" destroyed me when I heard it as a kid....

Date: 2006-04-26 10:35 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] madhugger.livejournal.com
I can put in a mile ong list of horrible songs, but I will refrain. I can say that most songs that come to mind are 1980s soul songs. If anyone were to take the time to listen to lyrics of anything Luther Vandross sang I'm sure you'd see what I am saying.

I will say that most of the songs listed as the WORST songs are more accurately the most over exposed songs - those songs that may have been well crafted and performed but played so much that you felt you could not escape their grasp. I don't blame the song for that. But here is my short list of such songs:
AC/DC "Back in Black" (or most anything by them, Survivor "Eye of the Tiger", Queensryche "Silent Lucidity", "Stairway to Heaven" by led Zeppelin, "we Are the Champions/We Will Rock You" by Queen. These songs I will instantly tune out and hold no value to me anymore.

Oh - truly the worst song in my eyes (holds no song writing quality) is My Humps, close second is Hollarback Girl. If 5 year olds wrote pop songs...

Date: 2006-04-26 11:02 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] nlotic.livejournal.com
I do agree with "(You're) Having My Baby," Paul Anka as the worst song. The orginal Muskrat Love by Willis Alan Ramsey is actually really good.

I think "We Built this City" by Starship is a pretty big stinker.

Third Place

Date: 2006-04-26 11:23 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] jefferzephyr.livejournal.com
Only Women Bleed./ Alice Cooper

By contrast, I love his ballad "You and Me.

My vote

Date: 2006-04-27 12:32 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] jrjarrett.livejournal.com
"Barbie Girl" by Aqua.

Date: 2006-04-27 12:53 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] timksweden.livejournal.com
A solid majority of the songs CNN lists are on my iPod.

And I'm not ashamed to say that.

I'll also say that "Hollaback Girl" cannot be the worst song of all time, for the simple reason that it is not a song.

As far as I'm concerned, The Music Died the day Madonna released "Justify My Love." Ah, the novelty of the music-less song.

Another excellent example of that is Twitney's "I'm a Slave For You," or however the moron chose to spell those words (I'm sure it was "4 U," but I don't give a shit).

I refer to Celine Dion's song from "Titanic" as "My Heart Will, Hopefully, Stop."

Date: 2006-04-27 04:50 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ursusarctos.livejournal.com
I have a ton of the listed offenders on my iPod too. I think what makes *some* of these songs painful is the abuse/hype/overplay they got at the time of issue. Some of the hate is deserved simply because they were released, but much is earned through promotion.

Date: 2006-04-27 08:32 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] timksweden.livejournal.com
I fully agree.

BTW, in regard to Tom's mention of me in his post: In fairness, whoever the lead singer was for Mike Plus the Mechanics didn't really have a bad voice at all. It's just that SONG. Oh, the horror....

Date: 2006-04-27 02:33 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] shawnsyms.livejournal.com
I must confess I really, really like that Maureen McGovern song!
From: [identity profile] ursusarctos.livejournal.com
Some of the cheese mentioned in the posts are near/dear to me. Others make me want to gouge my eardrums out with barbed wire. I HAD to listen to a lot of this stuff, I hit 14 in '74, the zenith (nadir?) of Musique du Frommage. Due to that traumatic experience, I took to disco/electronica/euro-proto-punk and became a homer-sexual.
That said, if I NEVER again hear:
1. Free Bird - Lynyrd Skynyrd
2. Do You Feel Like We Do - Peter Frampton
3. Cat Scratch Fever - Ted Nugent
I could die a happy man. That comes from doing time in high school in LA (lower Alabama) during this period. Thank Gawd there was plenty of tasty cheese available then to offset these overplayed things.

Date: 2006-05-14 04:00 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kevinduran.livejournal.com
My two most hated songs of all time: "Macarena" by Los Del Crappo (or whatever they were called), and "Don't Worry Be Happy" by Bobby McCrummy.
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